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Applebees is more than just a restaurant, it is an experience.
When you step through the door of the restaurant your first time, you are transported into a world unlike any other. The low light of the restaurant casts shadows on the knick-knacks adorning the walls, and the translucent hum of the various screens through the restaurant create a sort of ethereal presence in the restaurant. Right off the bat, you know you are in for a dining experience like no other. "Welcome to Applebees!" a cheerful host says to you. "How many are in your party?" You hold up two fingers. "Right this way!" She responds. As you walk to your table, you wonder how she can deal with so many customers, yet remain so chipper, but shrug it off as another wonderful mystery caused by the splendor of Applebees. The waitress takes your drink order and for a moment, your head is spinning. Do you want a soda? Do you want iced tea? You look at the drink menu and you see a litany of alcohol beverages you have only dreamed about - Bud Light, Coors Light, Miller Light... The waitress offers a helpful suggestion of an Oreo Shake, and you say that sounds great. She asks if you'd like a round of water for the table as well. You smile. This is the kind of attention to detail that you expect from Michelin Star rated restaurants, not a Neighborhood Bar & Grill! As the waitress goes to fetch your shake, you peruse the menu. The pages are jam-packed with the names of delicacies that you can only imagine. Fiesta Lime Chicken? Shrimp N' Parmesan Sirloin? You shift in your seat; you suddenly feel very self-aware that you do not belong in this restaurant. Your palatte does not feel sophisticated enough for these cuisines, and you worry that you will not do these delicacies justice when you enjoy them. Just at this moment, the waitress comes to your table and all your fears are dissuaded. You order the Chicken Tenders Platter (a local favorite). You take a sip from your Oreo Shake and breath a sigh of relief as liquified Oreos slide down your throat. You lean back in your booth and relax. Suddenly, you hear a chorus of heavenly voices rise from behind you. You turn around to see all of the Applebees wait staff coming towards you, singing and clapping their hands. "Happy happy birthday, from Applebees to you," they cheer. "We wish it was our birthday, so we could party too, hey!" As soon as they arrived, the employees scatter, leaving you to dwell on the beauty of it all; the fact that Applebees treats you with such precise, special attention, the five-star cuisine, the exotic decor, and the fact that the wait staff is so eager to share in your special moments with you.
Ave, true to Caesar.
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Xelltrix posted...
Wait, are there still K-Marts? Yes. In any given area that used to have six or seven kmarts, the most awful one, that nobody ever went to, or even remembered where it was, that's incredibly difficult and complicated to even get to, is the one that's still open. |
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Questionmarktarius posted...
Ivynn posted...Have millennials killed Kmart yet they're not dying because their ceo is incompetent, they're actually dying because their ceo is a genius, interestingly enough. he's got it all set up so he makes a huge profit from their collapse. https://www.cnbc.com/2017/03/22/how-sears-ceo-lampert-cashes-in-as-stores-cash-out.html
bro
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ItsVinceRusso posted...
Questionmarktarius posted...Ivynn posted...Have millennials killed Kmart yet I don't see the downside here. Kmart vanishes from reality, Craftsman and Diehard are available at Auto Zone, and some dude gets a bajillion dollars. |
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chill02 posted...
Applebees is more than just a restaurant, it is an experience. Clever; well done.
"Everything in the game is designed to kill you." - Hidetaka Miyazaki
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Applebees was the coolest restaurant back in the small town I grew up in...at least for a few years. It had a great location, half priced appetizers after 9, and was open until midnight. It was a good place for poor(ish) people in their late teens and early 20s to hang out, such as college students.
God bless you
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chill02 posted...
Applebees is more than just a restaurant, it is an experience. Hey! Stop stealing Green Butter's amazing posts!
http://i.imgur.com/pmc9XsI.gif http://i.imgur.com/LkrRVe2.gifv http://i.imgur.com/Dp03g3y.jpg
Cute? B****, I'm adorable. |
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Kitt posted...
Hey! Stop stealing Green Butter's amazing posts! I have had a good deal of success in my dating/sex life and figured I could pass on some tips to lonely CEmen that have had some problems in the past. You've heard the D.E.N.N.I.S. Method from It's Always Sunny and I figured I'd fit my own seduction method into a paradigm like this. Behold: The S.H.I.N.O.B.I. Method My method makes the assumption that you have already met a woman and have her number, which I feel is the easy part because it can just be a girl you matched with through online dating or met in a group project or something. Anyway: 1. S - Send Vague Text Responses Girls eat this s*** up. Don't give her any definite responses or make her feel like she's worth any more time than a text message. If you are too much of a "nice guy" then normally the girl gets turned off, but you can't be a dick either. You need to be aloof; this girl KNOWS she can pull a thousand guys on Tinder in fifteen minutes, but if you aren't acting thirsty it will instantly elevate you above them. 2. H - Have Her Meet You For Dinner at Olive Garden Olive Garden is the perfect casual dining experience. It is nice enough that it will feel like an actual date, but not too nice that your date is intimidated. It also offers ample parking. Make sure that you drive separately; this is important later on. 3. I - Indicate That You Would Like a Round of Breadsticks for the Table As soon as the waitress attends to your table, order a round of Breadsticks. The Breadsticks are not only free, but they are unlimited, and that will be key here. As many of you know, I am a huge Amiibo collector, so I find it important to let the waitress know right away that you want the Breadsticks, as there will not be any wasted time. 4. N - Never Let the Waitress See You Taking Breadsticks Out of the Restaurant Once your have received your basket of Breadsticks, you may empty them all out into your jacket pockets, but as this is uncomfortable, you will want to make sure you take trips to your car periodically to unload. This is where it becomes key that you drove to the restaurant separately. Make sure the wait staff does not see you leaving to unload either, or they will kick you out (has happened to me on rare occasions). 5. O - Order More Breadsticks As soon as the waitress comes back, say "nummy nummy, breadsticks in me tummy, yummy yummy, more more!" or something to that nature. The waitress will think you are a big fat f*** and likely go back to provide more, as Olive Garden provides these Breadsticks for free and the restaurants are insured for thousands anyway (so they aren't taking a financial hit from the Breastick losses). 6. B - Bring a Trash Bag to Store Breadsticks This part is key. You can only go out to your car so many times before you begin to rouse suspicion. I like to use the "Oh, I left my dog chained outside of the restaurant, better bring him water this time!" or "Methinks I have left my child in the hot car! Daddy's coming!" However, too many trips will start to get you looks, so bring a trash bag to fill up with Breadsticks (under your table). 7. I - Immediately Leave the Restaurant After Your Bag is Full Once the bag is full, you can no longer unload in your car, so it is time to leave. If you have done this correctly, your bill will be $0.00 and you will have a car loaded with warm, garlic and parmesan covered baked goods. From there, you can use these Breadsticks to make sandwiches for the month. I hope this advice helps some of you CEmen, because I know dating is hard and it's sometimes nerve wracking knowing how to behave on a first date.
Ave, true to Caesar.
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You're gonna get it, buster.
http://i.imgur.com/pmc9XsI.gif http://i.imgur.com/LkrRVe2.gifv http://i.imgur.com/Dp03g3y.jpg
Cute? B****, I'm adorable. |
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